Healthy Denial

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"No cancer, your pathology was negative" I have a gift...  When my surgeon told me he believed the polyp on my vocal chord was 99.9% likely to be non-cancerous, I believed him. I received an email from Bari (in San Diego) on the morning of my doctor appointment asking if I had heard anything from the doctor about the pathology.  That was the first clue.  Bari hadn't forgotton that there was a slim but real chance that the pathology would come back with an announcement of bad news - even while I had gone about my daily routine being completely oblivious to the impending news.  I jotted a quick email reminding her that the appointment was that morning and promising to be in touch as soon as I left the doctor's office.  When the doctor arrived in my examination room, he acknowledged that I might have been worrying about the news by delivering it even before a polite greeting "No cancer, your pathology was negative".

When I heard the words, I felt a sense of relief which alerted me to my buried worry about the potential for a different outcome - but I felt lucky and hopeful that I would always be able to cling to the positive, optimistic possibilities even when facing dire circumstance.  I am blessed with Healthy Denial.

But denial comes in other forms - and I want to be clear that this experience has been enlightened me to the dark side of denial.  Would I (would you?) ever deny a lump on my testicle for fear that it might be dangerous - and seek treatment when it is too late?  I was out this weekend with a dear friend who confronts cancer patients every day - many who have denied a lump in their bodies for months or longer - to the point where nothing can be done to help them.  I call this Deadly Denial.

I lived with my hoarse voice for more than than two months before visiting a doctor - then, when I received a laid back, unworried treatment plan, went along with it.  That is, until this same friend insisted that I take the problem more seriously - and have the problem checked out more thoroughly (which I did, without hesitation).

The experience taught me an important lesson:

  • Our health is our own responsibility.  Do a bit of research before and after your doctor visit to be sure there is no "Deadly Denial" happening in the exchange.
  • Talk about your health with family and friends.  No one can see the forest through the trees around them.  If you keep things to yourself, you will miss the power & wisdom your friends and your/their network can bring to the table to inform you through the process.