Lech Lecha, Hineni, and Love

My friend and Rabbi, Alan Flam, delivered a powerful sermon on Rosh Hashanah. It felt like he knew exactly what I was struggling with - and spent the prior weeks developing a lesson to help me work through it. I’m not sure if I wrote this letter to thank Alan for the sermon or as a reminder of it’s lesson.

Dear Alan -

I'm writing to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my Rosh Hashanah so profoundly meaningful.  

For reasons I haven't totally figured out, I have a very difficult time engaging or connecting in most worship services.  When I encounter a familiar song or one that is easy to join, I will do so - but increasingly, I find myself wishing there was something more.

For me, this has been a great sermon.  I liked Elan's sermons so much that I once asked him if he'd be offended if I planned to arrive at the beginning of the sermon and left at the end.  He wasn't - and he told me that I should be there @ 11:10am.  I got there a few minutes early and soaked it up.  As soon as he was done, Bari and I went to Seven Stars for a coffee and reflected on his sermon and thought about how we might try to apply it's wisdom in our lives.  

I repeated the practice the following year but when he left Emanuel, I was bummed.  My family has traditionally attended service in the Meeting House - and the sermon last year left me feeling flat (actually, not a total loss ... I got a good nap out of it).  This year, we decided to attend the Soulful service ... and WOW, did you deliver.

They say it's a bad idea to "bury the lead" so I won't.  Your sermon hit me like a brick and solved something that I'd been struggling with for months. 

I know I'm paraphrasing here ... and I'll probably get some of it wrong ... but it's my Torah now so please accept my apology in advance for messing it up.  But it was still VERY impactful - and I give you 100% of the credit.

You started with the story of the women kibitzing in the grocery store about the meditation retreat.  One woman was raving, the other was resisting - but the main takeaway was making the connection between meditation and being present.

You then shifted to the story of Abraham and your interpretation of Hineni.  Much more than "here I am", you taught ... you talked about Abraham being fully present with the Divine ... being "all in" to fulfill whatever commandment he receives as a full expression of his faith (and ultimately, an expression of the covenant.

I know this may all feel like a reductive summary - but this is where I truly felt the impact of your lesson.

Several months ago, Bari and I decided together that she would embark on an adventure and take this new job in NYC.  We knew that this job would be all-consuming - and we knew that being apart would be really difficult - but in our assessment, the benefits for Bari outweighed the costs.  So we dove in. 

And it has been hard.  In all the ways that we anticipated.  But rather than accept the difficulty, I felt I was always cranky.  I was sad.  I felt I was yearning for things to be different - as they'd been before.  I was resisting ... even though I had agreed with a full-heart to be part of the adventure.

Hineni was the powerful idea that changed my perspective ... almost the moment I heard it.  

If Abraham's faith was so strong that he could lead his son up the mountain, then what did this tell me about my own commitment to Bari and to her adventure.  If my commitment was absolute - I fully mean it to be - then all the consequences of this commitment should matter less.  Should be easier to take.  Should roll off just a bit easier.

And they have.  Because you are an amazing teacher, my teacher.  I truly appreciate your wisdom and your friendship.  I feel lucky to count you as a friend, mentor, guide ... as my rabbi.

With much love,

Alan