Strategic Denial Part2

We're leaving for Boston in an hour and I just got off the phone with Mom and have to share our conversation.  Better than anything, it demonstrates the difficulty of living in the moment ... taking life as it comes ... and the impossible choices we silently face in our lives but rarely acknowledge.  And the importance of holding on to hope.

Mom will have a CAT scan today that will tell her whether the chemotherapy has been working.  If it has been working well, the recommendation will likely be to continue the treatment to reduce the cancer load before switching to Taceva - which holds the promise of a near cure without serious side effects but uncertainty about how Mom will (or will not) respond to the therapy.

What should Mom hope for?

If the chemotherapy is working, she will likely get to a point where the cancer will be greatly reduced in her body and diminish the symptoms that have been increasingly difficult.  Eventually, she might get to a point where she will have a better quality of life - but the next weeks will bring continued misery from the side effects of treatment.  And she knows that eventually ... and we won't ever know how long this will take ... the drugs will lose effect and we will be back at the beginning again.

If her body has not responded to the therapy, she will switch to Tarceva.  We won't know if her body will respond until she starts - and this will take several weeks to see results.  If the drug works, she faces a full life - as close to a cure as we barely knew was possible.  If it doesn't, we will be back at the beginning - perhaps with an option to try another chemotherapy treatment that may/may not work.

Mom's will to live is indomitable.  She is hoping the chemo is working because it leaves more options.  The route to Tarceva is so appealing but uncertain.  Instead she chose the route that leaves her more options to get her life back ... to live a good life.  

I'm incredibly inspired by her courage to face these hard choices.  I don't know if I could do the same.  She is choosing to choose life ... she is holding on to her hope that better days lie ahead.

Amen.