On Loving — Pie of Life

My life changed for the better the moment I learned that Mom was ill. In fact, I should say that I changed - and to be emphatically clear, the changes feel miraculous and transformational. I don't mean for a moment that I am glad that Mom is sick - nothing is further from the truth! But I am grateful - grateful for opportunity I have had to experience love differently and to appreciate my life more fully

Mom is an amazing woman. I've known this forever but it has come onto clearer focus as I've reflected on the lessons she has taught me by the way she lives her life. There are many to share but today I will focus on just one.

Mom's ability to love fully - unconditionally, selflessly, and with appreciation

Mom considers herself lucky to have loved two men fully for 54 years (important to mention because it is 3x18 ... 18=life in our tradition) despite the fact that both men required her to care for them through extended health challenges. How could she not feel cheated, I wondered. For a great portion of her life, she stewarded their medical care and provided full emotional support.

Where did this energy come from? Why wasn't she LESS by giving so much? What was she missing by being present for them?

I'm not proud to say that I often wondered why Mom never resented being a caretaker. But as I observed her caring for Murray at the end of his life, I witnessed an appreciation for every moment she had with him. As Murray neared the end of his life, he and Mom relished the lives they shared together and showed me the truest meaning of love. And I NEVER sensed for a moment that she felt cheated - to the contrary, she felt lucky. For ALL of it.

How would I respond in her shoes? Was I capable of this complete and selfless love?

Everything changed the moment I got the call about Mom's illness while waiting to board a flight from New Orleans. Before that moment, I had never held worry in the same way. My worry was what I had to give, so I gave it. I listened carefully to be sure I knew what Mom wanted - and I stepped forward to do whatever I could to care for her, to comfort her, to be present for her, to love her, and to be her son.

I have always known I can love - I have been practicing love in my marriage and as a father. And I've had opportunities to know that I am able to love unconditionally. But I have already experienced new layer, new levels, new dimensions of love. And I feel that my capacity for love is truly unbounded and that I am MORE of a person through loving.

Can I measure up to Mom's standard of love? I don't know. But I am grateful for what the love I am sharing with my Mom, with Bari, Jeremy, Greg & Sophie, with Gary and Sue, and vast community of family and friends who are at our side through this journey.